Nur Farhanah
21
Preschool Teacher


♥ E200 or RAV4 in red
♥ that nautica polo tee!
♥ stories of survival PART II

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August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 January 2010

i dont know why, but i feel exceptionally tired today.
one kind of a worn out feeling.

i couldnt sleep well last night.
thanks to the damned mosquitoes.

and then i dreamt i had lumps in my breast.
and some stupid doctor told me, "how could you not suspect its cancer?!"

haha. what the hell.
then i woke up feeling sooooo damn drained.

must be the emotions i felt when i was diagnosed with the cancer.
seriously, i didnt even smile when i saw light.

on weird days, i do.
but today, i didnt.

and soon after, it rained heavily.
i climbed down the ladder to shut my windows.

and after that i watched primetime morning and the ellen degeneres show.
at 930, i went to mandi.

then i filled my waterbottle and poured a bowl of honeystars and milk for breakfast.
i went on to switch on the fan and tv.

i settled comfortably on the sofa and looked at my bowl to begin my first scoop.
TO MY HORROR, the damned bowl of brekky was filled with like 200 ants!!!

k la, kidding la. around 20?
k la, 10 plus plus la.

then i took a piece of tissue to like remove the ants.
but god, how silly can i get? (cause the tissue soaked up the milk instead.)

then i said, fuck it la, im late ady.
so continued with the ellen show. is it? wait. i dont remember what i watch anymore.

nevermind, so i only ate the honeystars that didnt have ants on.
like i stir2 to get it off and i also drank the milk.

then ants were like floating around my stars and a pang of guilt shot me.
how could i have drowned these ants and not even notice?!

poor thing.
im so sorry, but you guys deserved it for getting on my brekky.

dont do it again!
please.

then i threw the rest away and left home.
i reached the bus stop at 1023.

and i got to class at 1117.
checked my mails, blog and all.

received my new EZ link card.
didnt even know i'd be getting one.

my, i really feel sooooo exasperated.
i hope im not falling sick.

have you ever killed an ant and when you smell your finger,
it has a kind of an insecticide smell?

is that why i feel so drowsy?
that honeystars with dead ants and tissue in my milk breakfast.

whatever.
im off.

woke up at 9 this morning.
realized my clock is slow. by half hour!
so its actually 930 something.
lazed around till 1011, then went to mandi.
siaping time, bf msg me.
then siap ady, alfi ask me go breakfast with him.
so i called dian and cancel the appointment.
then suddenly i stomach ache.
so i went to berak.
when i came out from toilet, my brother cook maggi ady.
so since i cancel appointment ady with dian, i called bf.

and my day just turned bad like that.
with that phone call.
fuck life.

hate.
i hate it when people irritate me.
my level of tolerance is unexpectedly low.
i wish i could punch every single person who does it to me.

i work whenever i have free time.
unless i am very very very tired, will i skip a day of work.
i've been helping out my aunts at their pao shop for years now.
and i haaaaate the auntie2 there.

especially chinese. 98% are la actually. haha.
there was this woman, this afternoon.
she wants her things wrapped. (frozen stuff la.)
then the lady (worker) wrapped it using the orbituary page.
finished wrapping ady, putting in a plastic bag ady know.
and that bitch said, "i dont like that page. can you rewrap for me?
DONT give me the orbituary page."
if i were the one doing the wrapping, i would have thrown the damn thing at her face la.
what. pantang ke? like as if your face will be next on that page. bodoh pe.
seriously, either you say before she wraps or bring your own paper la.
if everybody is like you, might as well i sell wrapping paper also, then you all can choose nice2. hello kitty or heart shape or flower or whatever.
stupid betol la.

then there are some who buy small stuff then ask for big bag.
walao, stupid or what. these are the most sickening ones.
then some ask for extra bag. then wanna tell me where they live.
excuses la. want just ask nicely la. tell me where2 all for what. im not interested okay.
then those who keep asking me nice or not, also idiotic.
you go ntuc buy stuff, you have ask the cashier this nice or that nice or what nice anot?
walao! try la. not nice dont buy again!
i wish i can bitch-slap people who make me sick.
please. last eh.

i dont know why i so angry today.
actually i was happy. :)
then i became sad. :(
i think its the cycle. pms.

anyway, years ago, cik imah gave me a watch.
its those silver kind, shiny2, like working people wear kind ah.
i didnt fancy such watch last time. so i ask mummy to keep it for me ah.
so next time when i go out to work, i can wear. like too class for school.
then as you know, my mother has departed.
so i asked my dad where is the watch ah. i wanna wear ady.
then he said he gave away.

WALAOOOOO.
PEOPLE BUY FOR ME YOU GIVE OTHER PEOPLE.
NO LINK SEH! WTH. I AM SO PISSED LA.
EVERYTHING GIVE PEOPLE.
MUMMY KEEP FOR ME THEN SHE NOT AROUND ADY YOU GIVE PEOPLE.

i am the kind of person, when someone dear to me gives me something, i will keep.
keep and keep until one day i dont want ady or never use ady, then i give away.
like the red reebok jacket that my ex bf gave me on my birthday.
we broke up 4, 5 years ady ah. but i never gave it away till recently. like 2, 3 weeks ago?
and the princess diary dian and atiqah gave me, i still sayang seh wanna use.
but im still keeping it. i was so touched ah when they give me the present.
i love them like my sisters, if i had one.
and i was so sad and guilty when i threw away this necklace dian gave me.
i liked it. bf liked it too.
but i accidentally vomitted on it. and it was smelly and disgusting and ewww.
and you should know la. im sorry dear!

okay, i feel much lighter now.
cik mah, im sorry. i dont know where the watch is now.
probably in china. *sigh.

***************************************************************************************************

so d,
next up, a pair of nautica watches.
one for me, and one for you k bf.
happy tak? i know, you've been waiting. haha.
d. thanks for everything baby.

i'll work hard, for you.
i'll be a better person, for you.
i'll watch my choice of words, for you.
i'll be everything you want me to be, for you.

haha. sweet right i d?
i know, thaaanks.
but i know very well how cruel i am to you too.
and thanks for giving me the many million of chances.
i love you baby.
<3

hello people!
i cant wait to tell you all about my job la.
i love my new job!
so fun, but tiring too seh.
but still fun. haha. mama. haha.
i get to see these kids laugh and learn at the same time.
sooooo cute la!!!

watch them eat and mess the whole place,
then watch hi-5, and sing and dance together.
then change diapers and mandi.
after which they sleep and snore.
and later wake and then have teatime and mess the place all over again.
after that assembly, where we'd sit and listen to stories.
and we would go outdoor to have a walk and play at the playground.
and then we go back, wash our hands and continue to play.
and finally........... home!

time pass by quite quickly.
except when they are sleeping. it gets extremely boring.
i like wanna lie on the tilam with them.
my eyelids will become very heavy. and the eyes, teary.
and i will keep yawning and yawning.
you hear those you know huge white fans spinning with that *creek2 sound on the super high ceiling.
i can just fall into a deep sleep!

i like these kinda noise.
and the sound of raindrops on zinc awnings, my favourite!
that was how i slept on rainy days since young till 17.
i miss that! super noisy but comforting.
then i'll just pelok my bolster and smell my bantal busyuk.

k la, i talking nonsense ady.
penat ady la.
tomorrow no work.
only mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays.
but i have to do some chores at home.
yes! favourite!
ahahahahahaha. macam paham.

i love you d! i cant wait to see you.
i wanna go to alot of places know d!
cycling, tanning, camping, outfielding, movieing, shopping and eating.
heeeee. *cuddles you in your thin green blanky. :)
k la. good night baby.

and the cute boys of PG1!
aaron, reyes, ryan, wynston & zi xiang.
see you guys next week! *hughug.

what is this!!!!!!!
i bought 0873, it came out 0874.
2112, it came out 2113.
ape ni nana............ dose tau. :P

nevermind. try again.

yeay! im gonna sleep soon.
cause tomorrow's gonna be my FIRST DAY AT NEW JOB!
weeeee. && i cant wait la!

went for interview bout 2 weeks ago.
post applied for: teacher.
@ childcare centre la. haha.

then the interviewer like talk alot. for 20 minutes?
then i learnt that if the kid berak/ kencing i must help clean them up.
hahaha. serious? ya.

come on kids, dont do it on my first day la k?

then i also learnt that i have to go for medical check-up first.
and if im fit then i am able to work.
and i also found out that there's gonna be a blood test.
and i never got any jab eversince the BCG years ago.

so i rang cik nor up to teman me to the SATA for the check-up.
and she did. thanks so much k cik nor. *HUGS~

then i thought the jab is going to be like so painful.
but it wasnt! :)
like i close2 my eyes, tahan2 my tears all.
as if its something super horrific.....
then its like 1.5 out of 10 ah the pain.
haha. so funny la i.

then i had to do urine test, eye test, x-ray and the height and weight.
im 42kg @ 153cm short.
but bf is 30cm shorter than me.
hahaha.

then few days later, i collected the results and.....
im fit enough to work. so i called up the centre to start work ASAP.

i hope the children like cute2, nice long hair, some curly2 like curly fries.
and when they smile, they'll blind me with their perfect mini teeth.
and i hope they are sweet-mannered little people.
not like setan2 kind. run here and there. throw things anyhow or shit everywhere.
haha. let's see la how they are like tomorrow.

sekali work one day then cabot. lol.

okay la, till the next post.
farewell darlings.

and baby, i love you so much. thank you for scolding me.
*hugs.

you'd never believe who i dreamt of last night.
i never expected it either.
thanks mummy, for coming into my dreams.
(though it made me cry.)
i was hugging you as tightly as i could.
and tears were streaming down my cheeks.
we had each other in our arms.
and i wished we could remain that way for eternity.

but..... POOF!
and you were gone.
i lay awake, by the edge of my bed.
and continued on with those prickling tears.
it was painful.
it was short.
it was merely a dream.

i'd just thought of you the night before.
what am i saying?
you are on my mind every single day.
i wish you would appear every night mummy.
come again, tonight.
will you?
please please please please please? pretty please.

i love you.
with all my heart.

♥ farhanah*
your one and only, daughter.

*SIGH. my stomach is not well. again.
i hate stomachACHES, and i hate to kentot.
and i hate to vomit also.

ANYWAYSSS,
it's been so long, long, long (echo..)
that i havent seen your face.
i'm trying to be strong,
but the strength i have is washing away.
:(

went to cik nor house smalam with firdaus.
lepak, makan, laugh, carik uban, gossip.
went to kedai to beli roti.
but dont have any left.
SOOOOO UPSET. extremely. im serious.
:(

on the way back, on bus 966,
this lady boarded the bus. at bukit panjang.
fir said: look like mummy ah.
i said: ya seh.
and i turned back twice.
(sorry eh cik, if i looked like cranko, holding your gaze for like so long, longer than a girl should.)

almost there, just that my mother didnt use that much make-up.
never did, only on jemputans2.
those dark red lips, i'll never forget.

and then i turned back to the book i was reading.
FOR ONE MORE DAY. by MITCH ALBOM.

a guy, who lost his mother, and soon lost everything else.
his marriage, wife, daughter.
he just couldnt pull himself together.
and even tried to die.

very sad book.
not for the faint hearted.

Ask yourself this:
Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation,
one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever?
If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days,
and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

i have.
and oh, how i wish i could just have that one chance.
maybe two or three..
fuck.
i wish i could have you back FOREVER, mummy.

i miss you.

okay, i've reached the point where i cant carry on.
not because im left with no words.
but i am forlorn.
i wanted to say so much.

but till next time, farewell.